So I have a confession. I very rarely read my bible. It sits on my night stand...brown leather bound, my named etched in gold. On top of it is a stack of stuff. Papers, other books, a box of tissues. So my bible has become the foundation of my stuff both literally and figuratively. In my kitchen there's a pink women's devotional bible worn, clear duck tape keeps the spine in place, highlighter and ink mark the pages from years of reading. This is the bible from my past. A bible I used for 8 years before I "upgraded".
Yesterday afternoon I had a chance to speak to a wonderful woman from my church about where I'm at right now. Well, I'm lonely. Not because of my husband or family but because by my own lack of effort I have moved further away from God by not reading His word. I miss Him. He used to be a constant discernable presence. He's still there because my faith says so but I used to FEEL His presence. That's what I miss.
Today I picked up that pink worn bible and started from the beginning, well, the first Friday anyway. The devotion was about the dove that Noah sent out to see if the waters had receded. It spoke of a "single lonely bird" who "found no rest". It then compared us to that bird. "Spiritually and emotionally we find no rest". That's me. I love the Lord with all of my heart. But because of my lackadaisical attitude I have not allowed Him in as deeply as I crave Him to be. I start my journey of a true relational friendship with God today knowing that I will have be accountable to myself and to others. I will blog often but not always daily. I need to catalog my emotions for myself in case I go down this road again.
Please be in prayer for me as I cling to His word.